I recently gained joint legal and physical custody of my oldest daughter. Nothing much has changed since she already spends most of her time with me, but it has forced me to work more closely with her mother.

Making joint custody work requires the mutual cooperation of both parents. This can be difficult, especially if your relationship ended on a sour note. Below are five rules for making joint custody enjoyable for you, your spouse and most importantly, your child.

1. Put your children first.
Putting your children's needs ahead of yours requires compromise. Schedules change and demand flexibility on both parents part. Taking responsibility for creating consistent rules in both homes also means you need to be more than just the fun parent. Putting your child's needs over your own convenience will lead to long-term success of joint custody.

2. Communication is key.
It may not always be enjoyable, but maintaining an open line of communication with the mother will always make things easier in the long run. You both need to stay informed as to what is happening in your kid's lives and relying on your child to be the middleman is not only unrealistic, it's unfair. Creating security and consistency takes effort from each of you.

3. Show interest in your children.
Attending school functions and extracurricular activities, regardless of whose day it is, will show your children that you care about them even when they aren't around. Don't just be the caretaker. Take a proactive interest now and thank yourself later.

4. Respect your ex.
Following this rule may require you to do some things you aren't comfortable with, but it will make your children more comfortable in their time with each of you. Never force your kids to choose sides. They might not only make the "wrong" choice, they may end up resenting you for making them do so. Respecting their mother will also make your kids love you even more.

5. Avoid serious relationships.
Helping your children feel they are the most important thing in your life is hard to do when your attention is divided. Dating is fine, but avoid serious relationships that can only add strain to the relationships you are trying to maintain now. If you want joint custody to work, it will take some sacrifices.

Joint custody can and will work if you put the effort in the effort it deserves. Your children didn't choose this lifestyle. If you want them to accept you in their life during this process, you must choose to take the high road and remember that they ultimately want both parents in their life. By putting their needs first, you will make things a whole lot easier on you, the kids and your ex.

Discussion Points:

* Do you agree with these rules? Are you in a situation you believe these rules wouldn't help?
* Are you able to follow these rules even if your ex cannot or will not?
* Do you agree with putting off serious relationships during this transition stage?