THE 11th tip in the 31 days to becoming a better dad is to discipline your children with love.

Children need discipline. They don't need punishment. They don't need to be yelled at or hit.

Discipline is about guidance. You can't beat or yell it into someone. Guidance is about maintaining your moral authority and being the person your children look up to for guidance. When you reduce yourself to yelling or worse, hitting, you risk losing your status as "trusted adviser".

By choosing to discipline your children with love instead of anger, and choosing positive over negative, your children will come to know that you are on their side and that they can come to you in times of need without fear of reprisal.

When your children make mistakes, remind them of some pre-discussed consequences and follow through on them. Disciplining with love does not entail being a push over. It requires you to be firm and understanding, consistent and compassionate. Often times, our children make mistakes in a cry for help. They feel alone or scared. The last thing they need is the most trusted people in their lives yelling at them.

DAD TALK

* How was discipline handled when you were a child?
* Do you discipline your children the same way?
* Why or why not?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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ONE of the hardest things to do as a stay-at-home-dad is to set your priorities. When you have a job outside the home, it is automatically a top priority. Not making it so would likely result in losing your job.

Inevitably, making money is going to be a high priority for all of us. It's what allows us to put all our other priorities into perspective. In a sense, the better our financial situations are, the better we can prioritize the other areas of our lives.

For me, it's not so much about making money as building tools and services that not only help others, but help myself, as well. For example, I started Dadviser in an effort to inspire fathers to be better fathers, which in turn helps me be a better dad. Being a better dad is such a high priority for me that I actually write for another fathering blog.

For the majority of my life, I didn't understand my priorities very well, and as a result, I wasn't very happy. When all our priorities have equal importance, it's hard to accomplish anything. Soon after reading this book, I began to look at my life from a different perspective, what New Agers would call "thinking from the end". A good way to start thinking this way is to write your own obituary, filling it with the things we'd like to accomplish before we die, and then start taking the actions that will logically get us to that point.

Though my life is any bit as cluttered as the next man, I've been pretty successful setting my goals and accomplishing them since that time. There are a million things you can do to help you set your priorities, but for the most part, here are the five tips I use to keep mine in perspective.

1. Spend time examining yourself - It's difficult to impossible to set your true priorities if you are unsure of who you are and what you stand for in life. While your life may already be time-scarce, I've come to realize that spending a half or so every single day re-examining who I am and what I want in life is some of the most worthwhile time I have.

These couple of hours a week easily save me ten times their weight each week as it defines the most important things I need to get done.

2. Understand why each priority is a priority - After letting your inner thoughts give you an idea of who you are and what you want, it's time to rank your priorities. In order to do this, it's vital to understand why each priority is a priority for you and weigh each one in relation to the others.

As a highly ambitious individual, my priorities are many, but no matter how many I come up with, none will ever rank higher than being the best person and dad I can be. Indeed, improving myself as a person and a father propels me confidently towards the rest of my goals.

I know from my past that when I didn't feel like a very good person, my priorities were out of alignment and my goals were set very low in an effort to make myself feel better once they were accomplished. This got me nowhere in life.

3. Make lists - While the act of making lists is time-consuming, the result of having a script to follow throughout your day or week is immeasurable. In addition, there are many types of lists you can create. The two I use most often are daily to-do lists and monthly goal lists.

Once I have spent the time examining which direction I'd like to head in life, I write down 10-20 goals for the month I'd like to accomplish. Once this list is completed, I keep it in a prominently visible space on my desk to keep me on track. At the end of each day, I write down my to-do list for the following day with my monthly goal list as my map. The result is a focused list of tasks that work together to guide me towards those goals.

4. Set a routine - For me, setting a routine is extremely important if I want to accomplish any of my goals. Each day, I pretty much follow the exact same routine and six out of seven days, I finish the day with a completed to-do list.

The one day I don't is more often than not the result of breaking my routine in some way, whether it be due to my own procrastination or from unplanned outside events. I've heard from dozens of people how routines are boring and take the fun out of life. I couldn't disagree more.

The satisfaction of completing my daily goals is not only enjoyable, it allows me to do what I want the rest of the day without feeling any guilt about unfinished business. This effect tends to snowball into setting higher goals and focusing even more on accomplishing them.

5. Say no - When you work from home, you must treat a certain amount of time as if you were working in an office. You can't allow distractions to deter you from your goals, no matter how tempting those distractions are.

At least once a day I have to tell a friend or one of my children no when they have free time and want me to enjoy it with them. Usually I'll tell them that once my list is finished, I'd be more than happy to do anything they'd like.

The more comfortable I get with my routine, however, the more likely I have become to ignore phone calls or explain to my children that part of my day is like school and during that time, I need to give my attention to my work. As a caring father, I always make sure that I let them know that they can have as much of time as they'd like as soon as the final bell rings.

Setting your priorities can seem daunting at first. As with completing any task, taking action is the most important step. Find a strategy that works best for you.

While the above are time-tested tips that have worked for just about every type of person, do what makes you feel comfortable. Most importantly, figure out what will inspire you to actually accomplish your true goals.

DAD TALK

* What are your top priorities in life?
* Do you feel your day-to-day activities mirror your priorities?
* If not, what are some of the things you can do to make your activities and your priorities congruent?

Copyright © 2007 by Dadviser All rights reserved.

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